I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
This baby is an asshole
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize