you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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