I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
