a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize