dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
