Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
