i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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