Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
