I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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