ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize