I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
