What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize