Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
How does one acquire holy water?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
