Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My ATM looks so different sober.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
