U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
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