The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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