I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
