the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
