she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
no, he came in my armpit
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize