I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
