I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
