I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
