I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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