But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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