dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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