Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize