I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just pee around me
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
