i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
When are your genitals available?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize