i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i will never coherently bang her
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
