I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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