Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
