You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
