Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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