I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
