Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
