Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Acid is not a monday night drug
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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