Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
