I wish you could order shots online.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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