if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Someone shattered a urinal.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
