suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
