My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
