I just made out with a guy for $7.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
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