I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
