Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
