I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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