Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
