I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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