I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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