ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I touched a dick in church today
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