i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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