We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
