I think I am morally bankrupt
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
