Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
