Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
