Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
