Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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