After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
