bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize