so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize