I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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