Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
