So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
