Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
