feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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