Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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