Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize